Tales of the C-Suite

There are 4 four-letter-words that you need to give the flick, pronto.

And they’re not the four-letter-words that translate as #$@%*!

They are the short, meaningless words that pepper emails and voice mails and pop out during phone calls and web conferences.

You may think these words are harmless and inconsequential, but these words say things about you. They can cast doubt on your professionalism, influence, intelligence and leadership potential.

Here is the line-up: Fine. Okay. Just. Only.

These words don’t add anything to your gravitas, yet they do perform a function to diminish, whether we like it or not.

They allow you to stay small. Those four words let others know that you’re not quite ready for that promotion/project lead/overseas secondment/grant no matter what you say.

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These words shout to the world “I’m not ready, no matter what I say.”

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What you say and what they hear.

• When you say, Just. What they hear is, what I am saying or doing is not important.
• When you say, Only. What they hear is, my words, thoughts, actions, and opinions are insignificant and lesser than.
• When you say, Fine or Okay. What they hear is, I don’t have a point of view or I don’t care.

Example 1: When asked to meet a new deadline, instead of saying Okay, a better option would be to say “I’ll need to juggle my schedule, but I should be able to get the report finished by that date. If there’s going to be any issues, I’ll let you know before the end of the week.”

Example 2: When asked how you are during the team’s weekly Zoom meeting, instead of saying Fine Thanks, a better option would be to say “I’m great and I’m really looking forward to hearing how Project X is coming along.”

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Here’s an Exercise:

Go back and read the emails you have sent over the past seven days. Do you tend to use the word ‘just’ a lot?

Use the search/find function to find the word ‘Just’.

Repeat with the words Fine, Okay and Only.

Is it a way to make things sound polite? Well-mannered? Not too pushy? To seemingly demonstrate grace under pressure?

Do you just follow up on things?

Is there anything you were just wondering?

Do you hope that’s okay?

Try deleting the “offending” word from your sentence and see if there’s really any difference in meaning.

Develop the confidence to be straightforward, clear and direct when you write and speak (and not to care what people think). It is the first step towards expanding your circle of influence.

Example 3: “Hi Morgan, I’m just wondering if you have had a chance to read the media release yet?”

A better option would be “Hi Morgan, the media release will be going out at 3pm today. If you have any input, let me know by 11:30am. Thanks.”

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Bonus Word!

Coming in at nine letters and more than double the four-letter limit, the word Currently is equally as toxic.

Compare these two statements:

• I am currently on maternity leave from my position as Group Marketing Manager at ACME Inc.
• I am currently the Chief Client Liaison Officer at XYZ Limited.

The first statement indicates that your maternity leave is for a defined period, it will come to an end, and you will return to your position at ACME.

So, what does the second statement say? That this role will come to an end. It is not permanent (subtext: sooner or later, they will find out I am an impostor). It creates uncertainly in the mind of the listener and begs questions like, if it’s not permanent, who will be taking on this position next and who will I be dealing with in the future? They are already looking past you.

It’s difficult to be considered a contender when your peers, your manager, and the decision-makers and influencers in your work-life, hear your lack of self-confidence and self-leadership in every email and verbal exchange you have. You are unconsciously betraying yourself.

Habitual belittling, excusing and minimising your very existence negatively impacts your perception of yourself and others’ perceptions of you.

So, don’t be just someone who only wants to be noticed, and is okay to wait in line for the next opportunity, because you are currently fine doing what you are doing. Sorry. And thanks.

Instead, be the obvious choice to the C-Suite.

Period.

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I was reminded of this famous image when I had my own Marilyn Monroe moment recently, in full view of a significant number of my peers at a business function.

As I have said before, a working career is not Instagram perfect. There will be ups and downs, the inevitable stuff ups… and moments when our humanness and our knickers are exposed.

How you respond to the unexpected and how you act when in unchartered waters are the things that will set you apart.

Over my 35-year career there have been many less than perfect moments. Here are just a few that may echo your own experiences too:

• Forgetting someone’s name when introducing them.
• Forgetting to pick up my son from day care (the bigger mistake was telling him about it when he was a teenager, inadvertently giving him a lifelong tool of derision and rebuke!)
• Delivering my impassioned opening address to an audience of aspiring women leaders, turning around to illustrate the point with my first slide and… seeing a blank screen, then needing to ad lib for several minutes while the event organisers rebooted the slide deck.
• Having a new org chart projected on screen to 100+ managers at a company-wide meeting and seeing for the first time my “new role” and “new reporting line” which to all intents and purposes read like a demotion.
• Having my work disparaged at a conference by a speaker who clearly did not realise that I was in the audience.

How you respond in these less than perfect moments will have a profound effect on how you are perceived by your peers, your team, the executive team, the influencers and decision-makers. More importantly, it will have a profound impact on how you perceive yourself.

You don’t need to be perfectly in control in every situation, so long as your reaction is authentic and consistent with the person you are being.

One way to figure out how to build a reputation for grace under pressure is to reflect on your less than perfect moments and image how you would like to describe what happened later to a peer or mentor. How would you like to be able to describe your reaction and your mindset, your bearing and appearance?

One of the witnesses to my Marilyn Monroe moment was Dianne Irving, Founder & Author, Little Tulip Books, USA. Here is how she remembers the moment, which could have been interpreted very differently dependent on my reaction:

“How Amanda handled a moment is a testament to who she truly is. I was present to witness Amanda’s leadership style when presented with the unexpected. The gusts of wind (literally) under her skirt were no match for her quick thinking, flinging her salad plate across the table to free her hands to tame her billowing pleated skirt. Amanda’s good humour, poise and grace showed us first-hand how to regain composure with style. This lionhearted leader created her own memorable moment for us to experience and remember with joy and laughter.”

The way I describe my Marilyn Monroe moment is to focus on the good grace of those who were there with me, to laugh wholeheartedly at myself and to put the anecdote to good use as a learning exercise for the women I mentor.

How you respond to your confusion, mistakes and embarrassments in everyday situations will do more to cement your reputation as the person to turn to in times of crisis, when decisions need to be made and true leadership is called for… than how you perform in a pre-prepared presentation to the executive team or a pitch to prospective clients.

Not all our tales from the C-Suite are of triumph and success. Remember to see every experience as an opportunity to be noticed for all the right reasons… and always wear nice knickers.

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Be the obvious choice to the C-Suite.

We can learn many life skills from movies, old and new.

A festive favourite is “Bridget Jones’ Diary”. In this 2001 movie, Renée Zellweger’s character Bridget Jones does a fine job of introducing guests at the “Kafka’s Motorbike” book launch party.

This comic interplay is actually a learned life skill.

It may seem old fashioned, yet the respect, warmth, charm and common courtesy you show in everyday situations will be noticed by your colleagues, your clients and your business partners.

And will make you stand out for all the right reasons at the office Christmas party.

How to introduce people in a business context. 

Whether it is at the Christmas party, a pitch for new business or an industry networking event, there are certain protocols that apply to making introductions.

When making an introduction in a business context, one person is always introduced to another person by saying the name of the person to whom the other is being introduced.

For example, “Simon, I would like you to meet our new copywriter, William Tell.  William, I would like to introduce our Creative Director, Simon Says”. In this instance, the junior member of staff is introduced to the more senior member of staff.

The norms for introducing people are:

• The younger person is introduced to the older person.
• A man is introduced to a woman.
• A younger couple is introduced to an older couple.
• A junior member of staff to a senior member of staff.
• For de facto couples or married couples with different surnames, introduce the woman first and use their full names. For example, “Bridget Jones and Mark Darcy”.

To introduce yourself when meeting new colleagues, clients and at networking events, extend your hand and say:

“Hello, I’m first name surname. I’m the title at company name”. For example, “Hello, I’m Amanda MacLean. I am the founder of The Gravitas Project”. 

Always, always, always use your full name.

This can be best explained by quoting another festive film favourite, “You’ve Got Mail”, when Meg Ryan’s character Kathleen Kelly laments:

“… as if you were one of those stupid 22-year-old girls with no last name? “Hi, I’m Kimberly!” “Hi, I’m Janice!” Don’t they know you’re supposed to have a last name? It’s like they’re an entire generation of cocktail waitresses.”

In a business networking situation, I tend to introduce myself even if I have previously met the person. This helps to alleviate any discomfort on the other person’s behalf if they do not remember your name. If you forget someone’s name, simply apologise briefly and wait for them to volunteer their name.

Remember to use a friendly, warm and relaxed tone of voice when making introductions, and to smile.

Like the Christmas movie, business etiquette is making a comeback. Armed with the proper protocols, you are sure to glide through the festive season’s round of parties, dinners and business-social events with grace.

Be remembered for all the right reasons. Be the obvious choice to the C-Suite.

Just last week I was seated around a boardroom table with 11 others.  

And I was experiencing difficulties in being listened to and heard. 

It’s quite a few years – probably decades – since I have felt the sense of abject frustration associated with being spoken over, interrupted and overlooked.

What was going on?  

Context is important. Let me describe the scene:

• 4 women and 8 men seated around a boardroom table,
• Peers who have been meeting regularly in the one boardroom for more than two years,
• A collegiate and respectful environment,
• An aligned and competent chairman.

My attempts to make comment were drowned out on two occasions by louder male voices, and I was spoken over on one occasion. I observed that one of the other female participants was spoken over twice (the culprit did the gentlemanly thing and apologised to her…after he had finished making his point.)

This behaviour had not been evident in prior meetings.
 
So, what was going on in this meeting?
 
Here’s the thing: we were in a new boardroom in a different venue.
 
And the acoustics in the room were dreadful. Lots of sharp corners, flat surfaces and bare walls.
 
Perhaps the combination of a new venue and poor acoustics contributed to the male participants speaking louder and projecting their voices more and being more emphatic in their comments.
 
I instinctively reacted by withdrawing a tad, leaning out: I tilted away from the table, moved my chair back slightly and allowed my concentration to waiver. A natural human response.
 
It was only a moment before I caught myself and then deployed the range of techniques I have learnt over many years and innumerable meetings on how to be heard and make my opinion count and to project myself in a manner that shows confidence not arrogance.   
 
And once I had the attention of my colleagues, I made sure I added a couple of sentences to my comments…to fully occupying the speaker’s space for a little longer than strictly necessary.
 
How I reacted to the situation is what made the difference.

Taking charge of how we respond to situations of discomfort and learning how we can control our thoughts and actions, makes the difference to our capacity to reach our full potential in our career.

How do you occupy a speaker’s space rather than a listener’s space?  

Here are some techniques to deploy when you feel you are being spoken over and ignored in a meeting: 

1. Ground yourself by planting both feet squarely on the floor and pressing each toe into the floor through your shoes.
2. Sit taller in your chair, with your rear well back in the seat so that your lower back rests firmly on the seat back, lean slightly forward, rest your arms loosely on the table ready to gesticulate.
3. Make eye contact with the chairperson or most senior person in attendance when you want to speak.
4. Create a noise to catch attention just before you speak, such as clearing your throat or closing your notebook.
5. Create movement to catch peripheral vision as you start to speak…a sweeping hand gesture might be just the thing.
6. Consciously lower the tone of your voice, while maintaining the volume and projection.
7. Slow the pace with which you speak, avoid speaking too quickly as you dash to interject.
8. Breathe.

You can choose in the moment to focus on the things you can control – like your physical presence, your body language and breathing, your emotions and your thoughts.

Rather than going into the negative spiral of self-doubt and wondering if you really belong in your career.

Be the obvious choice to the C-Suite.

There are plenty of external factors that can derail your career progress and leave you questioning whether you really belong in your career.

How you respond to being passed over for a promotion, and the professional and personal choices you make along the way, do make the difference.

Because a working career is not Instagram perfect – it has its ups and downs. There will be inevitable setbacks and disappointments, lessons to be learnt, and acceptance that we are human.

So if you’re…

• worried that your “peak moment” will come and go and you’ll be passed over for that “perfect” promotion…

• scared of applying for more roles and not landing them and having to deal with the disappointment yet again, all the while blitzing your KPIs with a smile on your face…

• frustrated and a little confused by the apparent upward movement of people who have less qualifications and experience than you do…

You are not alone.

I’m in a privileged position because my work allows me to have conversations with woman who have walked this path before.

For an awfully long time most of the women I know thought that if they worked really hard, were loyal to the company, performed and delivered, they would get promoted.

Yet, more often than not, for the most successful and well-respected women in senior management today, the journey to the C-Suite hasn’t always been smooth sailing.

I am reminded of a conversation I had with a very senior leader in the public sector.  Following a merger of two large departments she was invited by the departmental head, whom she reported to, to attend a staff briefing. She stood next to him on the podium with the other five members of the newly formed executive team, while he introduced another male as the new general manager for the combined department – publicly usurping her and re-assigning her role in front of several hundred of her staff. She maintained her composure, smiled, clapped.

She had a later closed-door meeting with him. “I was not a lady in this meeting. The F word was thrown around.”

Six months down the track the person who had been placed in the role didn’t cut it and left. Our protagonist continued her stellar career within the department for many years. She says: “There will be a pivotal moment in your career, where you need to decide if you are in it for the long haul and prepared to be strategic about your career. Looking back, you will see that you ended up in a far more influential role than the one you missed out on.”

The opposite of confidence is not lack of confidence but lack of belief that you belong in that role. Let’s face it – you got to where you are today because you can confidently present to the senior leadership team, negotiate a contract, devise a strategy and bring your team on board with it, and engage with external stakeholders.

When I think of this story, and one of my own surprisingly similar experiences, I see women that have confidence in themselves, that don’t sway to others just because it’s easier. Yes, they may need to swallow their pride on occasion, but not at the cost of compromising their value. This is likely to be a big part of the reason why they have stayed the course. They also project a sense of being measured, being in control.

If you didn’t get the promotion and you are questioning if you really belong in your career, here are three sure-fire signs that you are in your perfect career:

1. The naysayers lose their grip on your psyche. You become less concerned about the negativity/fears/doubts/criticisms of those who believe they have the right to give counsel. You become more comfortable with moving away from conformity, stepping up and following your own path. The negativity, fear, doubt and criticism may still be present in those around you – yet you are not impacted by it to the same extent; it no longer makes you hesitate and falter.
2. At times you experience fear, loneliness, self-doubt; you diminish your accomplishments and second-guess your decisions; you occasionally wake at 3 a.m. with the weight of the world on your shoulders – yet, you keep doing the work you do, and it feels good to be absorbed and to lose yourself in your work.
3. You can candidly audit and assess your core skills and competencies and see where you need to make some changes, to find a way to become the obvious choice when the next opportunity came along. You are willing to re-think how you are turning up in your career… and make the time and headspace to invest in those areas that you know will give you the edge.

How you show up and navigate through the day, every day, in the face of this disappointment is what will make the difference 365 days from now. Because a working career is not Instagram perfect.

Be the obvious choice to the C-Suite.

You know the saying: “Well, I’m no rocket scientist …”

I actually spent 18 months reporting to a woman who was a “rocket scientist” by virtue of the undergraduate degree she had completed in the US in her 20s.

Those 18 months were arguably the most pivotal in my career.

I was working for a large US multinational based in London. After about 2 years, I took a chance and applied for an internal transfer.

The woman I refer to had been dispatched to London from the US H.Q. to take the helm for the European region – a newly created role with a remit spanning Europe, Middle East and Africa, a dispersed team of country managers, high profile global accounts, and revenue in the hundreds of millions of dollars in a newly deregulated market.

As she began setting up her team, she sent the word out internally that she was looking for a Business Operations Manager. My then manager encouraged me to apply. Though a sideways move and away from my discipline of marketing, I could see this type of role would give me a much broader perspective on the business and how it operated.

Unbeknownst to me, the equivalent role in the US is called an “Executive Assistant” or EA and is part of the company’s leadership acceleration program. Open to men and women, EAs spend 12 – 18 months working closely with a senior manager in a broad-based role.

The scope of responsibilities is internally focused and mirrors that of the senior manager: forecasting and reporting, HR, strategy, planning, risk management, competitor analysis, internal stakeholder communications, project and program management, preparing briefings and presentations, note taking and preparing action plans, and implementing key initiatives.

It offers a unique experiential learning experience in organisational dynamics and political savvy, dealing with those people who try to use the EA to influence, manipulate and garner favour with the senior manager or access restricted information or intra-company “gossip”.

Almost without exception those who undertook such a role in the US were promoted to a first level executive position upon completion.

For the UK/Europe, the position title was changed to Business Operations Manager as it was felt that Executive Assistant had a specific definition that may not translate well across the Atlantic.

Shadowing her every move, I became the Business Operations Manager to the Senior Vice President, making sure that she never missed a deadline, dropped an agreed action, or turned up to a meeting without adequate briefing.

I attended virtually every meeting with her, taking the notes, summarising the outcomes into an action plan and tracking them to completion..

I met key people across the organisation whom I would not otherwise have had the opportunity to. I had a privileged insight and access to the internal machinations of a large organisation. I saw how this super-smart, influential, values-driven woman did things.

In this organisation, gender was irrelevant. It was all about your skills and how you operated, who you showed up as in the workplace. They invested heavily in developing the soft skills of their people. In this role I was able to demonstrate and hone my human skills – resilience, integrity, candour, empathy, insight, grace under pressure, hard work, humour.

A breadth of experience adds substance. Operational and cross-functional accountabilities, travel, working at global or national levels. These things get you out of your comfort zone and give you a bigger picture perspective.

My stint as an EA paved the way for future roles managing global and national programs, then to Chief Operating Officer, and on to advisory boards and committees.

I had the privilege of working for an amazing woman – and role model – who was a rocket scientist. Really. Like that wonderful teacher who impacts you for the rest of your life, a wonderful role model at a pivotal time in your career can have a life-long impact.

Say yes to opportunities. Be the obvious choice to the C-Suite.

All too often l hear tales of women saying: “I just can’t land the role!”
 
While they may have worked hard, even completed multiple degrees, and have years of relevant experience, they are left wondering what does it really take to make it in the C-Suite?
 
Through my years as the Group Chief Operating Officer of a $100m+ private company, I observed that, beyond competence, there are five attributes that are shared by those who rise to the top and take ‘a seat at the table’:
 
Those who succeed in the C-Suite can Decode the boardroom: this means they can read underneath what is being said. They read people and situations to decode what is happening. They look out for what is not being said and why, and draw out the hidden connections between disparate matters. You must be a silent observer, a passionate campaigner (before, during and after a meeting) and a listening ear of reason.
 
Can you show Resilience under extreme pressure? While resilience is important for all senior positions, the ability to retain composure and a calm indifference under the type of pressure surfaced in the C-Suite is key. Resilience is the ability to stay strong, focused and unwavering while being open to altering your position in line with rapidly changing information.  

Show and have Respect: In this context, respect means to consider the responsibility of the role you and your peers are undertaking – a senior leadership team is about governance, it is about guiding the organisation to be a good corporate citizen and to reach its organisational goals. You need to respect your peers in the C-Suite, the board, stakeholders and the community too. You give it and you will receive it. Remember everyone has a role to play and something to offer, this is what makes a brilliant leadership team.

Being in the C-Suite is not about your agenda, and it is not a solo act. Make sure you have a Supporting Network to draw upon. You need a trusted support network of advisors to whom you can draw upon for advice and for strategic introductions. Have you looked to who is on the board, can you learn from them and add value to them? Being part of the C-Suite is to be part of a group who together makes a difference in guiding an organisation. Consider whom you hold in close proximity, within the organisation and beyond, and what you need to do to foster these relationships.

And finally, exhibiting confidence is not enough. Those who succeed in the C-Suite have the higher order skill called Command. I call this their Gravitas. This is what really sets people apart. It is a special presence that can be quiet and unassuming, yet it holds the room when they speak. Gravitas is demonstrated through an ability to handle difficult situations in uncharted waters. Those with gravitas are taken seriously, influence, network and face any situation with grace and authenticity.  

Success is about more than degrees and experience. Because if having a degree or experience was enough, we would have more women on boards and in senior roles, and you wouldn’t be frustrated by hearing “You have an impressive CV and you are very qualified but…”

I know there are many qualified and experienced women who can unlock that extra thing that will take them to the next level.

Once you understand the five attributes and how to build them, you will have the secret ingredient that sets you apart from the rest. Then the senior leadership positions will be yours, you will be able to influence at a strategic level even when you have no direct power, and you will be seen and heard for all the right reasons.

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You can be the obvious choice to the C-Suite.

My empathy chip has been removed!

I’m 47 years old.

I’ve been working for 25 years.

I’ve seen it all and heard it all and lived it all.

Don’t give me your excuses!

Said a COO in a discussion about what holds women back in their careers.

What precipitated this statement over dinner on a Wednesday evening?

From her C-Suite vantage point, this seasoned leader’s lament and frustration when it comes to women in middle management, reveals some home truths about the things that hold women back in their career.

I can see where she is coming from.

As leaders of people, it is incumbent upon us to lead with kindness, flexibility and compassion for the life our colleagues experience outside of work. Always.
 
People have complex beautiful lives filled with events and relationships and experiences and happy times and challenging times. We all do.

And stuff happens to all of us, at different times and at different stages of our career, in the guise of:

• illness, injury or diminished capacity of self, partner, siblings, parents, pets
• caring challenges with kids or other dependents
• scheduling conflicts with a spouse or significant other
• disagreements or disharmony with those closest to us 
• household emergencies

The uncomfortable home truth is that there is a fine line between responding to life events and using these events as excuses for why you can’t step up, show up, turn up and speak up in the workplace when asked. 

Taking charge of ourselves, taking personal responsibility for life and career, makes the difference to our capacity to reach our full potential.

Five questions to ask when you feel that your supervising manager, the HR department or the organisation that employs you, has had their empathy chip removed:

1. Am I addicted to the adrenaline and drama? “Look at me! Look at me! I’m so busy, busy, busy!”
2. Am I using situations as distractions to avoid being fully present and trully responsible for my contribution in the workplace?
3. Am I looking for someone to save me, a father figure to take control and say: “It’s ok, I’ll fix it for you”?
4. Have I given away power to others so that they are calling the shots in my life and impacting my career – is life controlling me or am I in control of my life?
5. Am I looking for someone else to give me permission to take a break, go for the promotion, look after myself, or to tell me that I should feel proud of myself?

What are some of the situations that are holding you back in your career? How can these be changed? Is there room to negotiate a different outcome or different perspective with in-laws, siblings, spouse?

The most important question to ask yourself is: Who do I need to show up as, to be in charge of my own career?

People are looking for role models like you. The very thing that you are allowing to hold you back, may be the very thing that those who came before you, have worked a way around. And it may be the very thing that those women who come after you need to see that they, too, can resolve.

Give yourself permission to find a solution. Be the obvious choice to the C-Suite.

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I took my gap year a little later than the Aussie average, at the age of 29. 

I had pressed on from completing secondary school to full time university to full time work. In the absence of other means of financial support, I had no choice but to continue to pay my own way and support myself as I had done through uni. It took an agonising length of time to land my first role in my chosen field of marketing. My degree prepared me to do a job, nothing at uni prepared me to get a job.

My story from there is one of having the courage to follow my own path even when it seemed scary, unfamiliar and risky to those around me.

My career story kicks off with my first role as Marketing Assistant at Lever and Kitchen, a division of fast-moving consumer products multinational, Unilever. A highly prestigious organisation at the forefront of marketing and sales, Unilever had been the subject of many a case study for students of marketing in my era. My career was off and running!

After just thirteen months at Lever & Kitchen, I made the fortuitous decision to accept a role at OTC Limited, the international telco. A close friend from uni lured me from soaps to satellites with stories of an industry in transition, with large marketing budgets and extensive training programs, a well-developed marketing strategy, and opportunities for promotion.

This decision was viewed as a risky and very surprising career move by my colleagues and managers at Lever & Kitchen. Why would an aspiring marketer leave one of the most prestigious marketing firms in the world?

As it turned out, I received five promotions in the five years after joining OTC Limited. The “risk” had paid off for my career.

Then, at about the time I was considering taking a belated gap year, I was offered a General Manager position in the recently merged OTC and Telecom, which would be known as Telstra.

Should I stay or should I go?

To be a General Manager at 29 years of age was beyond my wildest career expectations. The consensus among the significant people in my life was to “take it”.

Yet I was restless, unfulfilled, with a wanderlust that would see me keep every packaging box for every appliance I ever purchased … because I always knew I would be moving house again soon enough. None of my family or friends ever recorded my contact details in pen, pencil was the implement de rigour when it came to my entry in their address book.

So, I went. 

I found the courage to follow my own path even when, again, it seemed scary, unfamiliar and risky to those around me.

As Dr Susan Jeffers states in her magnificent book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway: “all my life I have never heard a mother call out to her child as he or she goes off to school, “Take a lot of risks today, darling.” She is more likely to convey to her child, “Be careful, darling.” This “Be careful” carries with it a double message: “The world is really dangerous out there” … and … “you won’t be able to handle it.” What Mom is really saying, of course, is, “If something happens to you, I won’t be able to handle it.”

Hearing and truly understanding this concept became a pivotal moment in my life. Feeling the fear (my own and that of the people closest to me) and doing it anyway, has been a guiding mantra in my life and career. You see, each time you take the opportunity to stretch your capacity to handle the world, you become more self-confident, more self-reliant and more courageous.

My gap year turned into five years of living and working in London.

Twenty-five years on, I am planning another gap year in 2022, with my husband, based out of London. It has taken five years of planning and strategising and moving the chess pieces for this to be feasible. What some call lucky, we call hard work, planning and having the courage to follow our own path.

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Create the life and career you desire. Be the obvious choice to the C-Suite.

I went to school with a boy who is now the CEO and Managing Partner of one of the largest and most prestigious professional services firms in the world.

We have many things in common: same age, grew up in the same social and political environment, same primary school in a beachside suburb, similar secondary schooling (he an all-boys school, me an all-girls school), stints working in London in formative stages of our career, married with children.

As a young girl it seemed obvious to me that this boy would grow up to be a leader, an ‘important person’, and enjoy career success in whatever his chosen field. Why not? His father was a highly educated professional, a leader, and a person of standing in our local community, so why would he be anything but?

My dad worked three jobs to support his six children. He didn’t have the time to attend school functions or be on school committees – nor would he have done so even if he did have time. Such community involvement and attention would have been totally out of his comfort zone.

This boy looked destined for leadership, success and influence. It appeared to me at the time that the path was clearly laid before him, following in his father’s footsteps. All the necessary skills were being prepared – debating, public speaking, leadership roles in the school, meeting and greeting parents at school functions.

I barely spoke for the first ten years of my life. I was debilitatingly shy, the youngest of six girls in a family that did not see beyond traditional roles for women. Success was defined as attending secretarial college and being married at 21, with a family in tow soon thereafter.

Yet, I have had a successful career in the corporate world. Both internationally and in Australia. I have done more with my life than I ever dreamed. I hold positions of leadership in my community. I regularly and comfortably speak to small and large audiences alike. I mentor high potential women. I’m told I am a role model for how women can lead with integrity and influence.

I’ve had time to pause and reflect on these different paths. How did I get here? What made the difference for me?

The short answer is, I just did it. I took advantage of the unprecedented benefits of higher education for women. I was part of the vanguard of professional women who forged successful careers in the 80s and 90s. There were opportunities and choices available because of the women who came before me.

Thinking a little deeper, there are some things that did make the difference for me:

1. Curiosity and continual learning – having a learner’s mind, always curious and wanting to know more, trying to understand the world and navigate the complex and opaque norms of corporate life
2. Courage to follow my own path even when it seemed scary, unfamiliar and risky to those around me
3. Taking charge of myself – taking personal responsibility for my life and my career, taking time out to grow my personal skills and awareness, and spending time and money on that
4. Inner work – the personal work you do will be the biggest factor in your success: resilience, emotional awareness, self-leadership, reflection and commitment to develop
5. A breath of experience – operational experience, travel, working at global or national levels, gets you out of your comfort zone and gives you a bigger picture
6. A working career is not Instagram perfect – it has its ups and downs. There will be inevitable stuff-ups, lessons to be learnt, and acceptance that we are human.

Perhaps my childhood observations of this boy were misguided or inaccurate. Several decades on, I know now, that we can never presume to know the road someone has travelled in life and career.

I also know that the professional and personal choices we make every day do make the difference. You can reach your highest potential no matter your backstory or the set of background conditions and events that led you to where you are today.

I’m going to enjoy exploring these questions further. I’m on a mission to unlock the unspoken laws of women at work and I hope these stories will help you discover new ways to navigate the corporate world.

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