Business Etiquette

Business Is Not Leisure But Might Be Pleasure!

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Any function related to work this is not leisure, however it can be pleasure. Work wear is not weekend wear, no matter how expensive or casual the event, and exercise gear is purely for going to the gym or a run not for casual Fridays!

Often people say they want to be authentic and be the same person in every situation. You can be authentic AND adjust your behaviour for the situation you find yourself in. I’m sure that if you are going to a funeral you behave quite differently than if you were going to birthday party.

Just as you know what to adjust and how to adjust for these situations, you need to also be aware of how to adjust for the various contexts where you see your work colleagues. Being always on the ready for the fact that anything you do, can be and is likely to be seen in relation to how you may operate at work. Too casual about what you say, share too many secrets? Flirting at work? All of these things undermine your power and presence in the workplace. Remember not everything is public information.

This leads to a very important rule: colleagues are colleagues first, friends second.

While you may work with people whom become your friends, it is more likely these people are work based friends. If you changed jobs tomorrow, would you still share enough common interests to remain friends? So best to always think about your work colleagues as work colleagues – that is, stay away form work gossip and remember the TMI rule (is what you are about to say ‘too much information’ for work?) Less is more where work is concerned, talk about your holiday if you wish but remember, those very detailed situations which might have been part of a very expensive holiday may just bring out some jealousy at work or lead to other comments about what you earn. Instead talk about yourself in broad terms.

Thank yous, RSVPs, real cards, flowers and chocolates

Saying thank you is an art form in itself. In a world where text and emails are often replacing more formal written notices, there is still a place for snail mail and hand written notes.

A hand written thank you says that you appreciate the gesture or act and have taken time to acknowledge the effort the other person has taken. An email is a less formal way to follow up after meeting someone but if you have been invited for lunch or dinner, been given a gift or someone has gone out of their way to help you, a hand written thank you cannot be replaced.

A formal thank you is an important part of the process of putting your stamp on who you are. You might use an email to thank a colleague for their time or for helping you to do something. If you want to be memorable to them and this person is someone you wish to influence consider a personal note. You could even go as far as to drop off something that you’ve recently discussed.

Many people today are busy and may be suffering from FOMO ( Fear of Missing Out!) which means that even though you are planning to attend something you may not have actually told the person formally you are coming. A formal RSVP (from the French response required please) no matter how you advise you are attending. If an email was the invitation then an email will suffice, if it was via text then a text will suffice. For a formal invitation sent on paper, a paper response by way of small card is appropriate. The wording should say: “It is with pleasure that I accept your kind invitation” or “it is with regret that I an unable to attend”.

Please ensure this is done on a timely manner to allow your host to plan for the event at hand.

Sending other cards is slowly becoming a dying art, however, one act of sending a card is very valuable and personally connects you; it says you care enough about them to spend time and energy getting and writing and posting them your wishes. Think about sending cards for significant holidays if you celebrate Christmas or Easter or Ramadan or Chinese New Year. Sending birthday cards and condolences cards, baby arrival cards and congratulations on wedding, engagement or success news are also good ideas. Have a packet of thank you cards in the cupboard and have some generic cards you can send also. Get started on your Christmas or other holiday cards early as they come around each year. Cards acknowledge situations and say you care.

Sending or giving flowers, chocolates or other hampers are also worth considering. Flowers are the perfect gift for a birthday, or condolences, a celebration or acknowledgement of success. Consider sending these where you won’t personally see the recipient in a timely manner to the event. Taking flowers to a dinner is a lovely gesture as is giving chocolates. Taking wine to drink is a relatively new approach and remember that the wine you take may not be opened as usually in a formal situation the wine will have already been chosen for the event. Think of it in terms of the wine you bring is a gift rather than a contribution to the event.

Observing these customs and behaviors will ensure that your work social events are a source of pleasure for all involved.

Help, I Have A Work Dinner To Attend!

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The first consideration with a work dinner is who will be there and what is the purpose of the dinner. In considering this, it will also guide you as to the dress code and the types of conversations to prepare for. You also need to consider how you might best present yourself going forward.

Think about the purpose of the dinner: Is it a celebration… or is it a gathering put forward as the idea of a social… or is the purpose that somebody is leaving or joining the team? The type of dinner sets the ‘tone’. You must consider who is the guest of honour and what is your role in relation to the guest of honour. Also why you have been specifically invited to this function?

The purpose of the dinner will guide what is going to happen. Is there going to be a toast or other formalities during the course of evening? Let’s assume this is just a work gathering, a bit of a get to know you or a coming together informally to recognise someone’s success.

Remember, in the work context there are really no informal situations, there are just less formal situations. You need to recognise that work colleagues are colleagues first and friends second. Even if these people are your friends outside of the workplace, the context for the dinner is set from the workplace condition. This means that the behaviour will be measured against workplace behaviour and standards. This is really key to helping you navigate all the social functions you will attend where there are work colleagues or potential work colleagues. It is quite different to a social barbecue that has no career context at all.

Now that you know the reason you’re gathering, you need to think about how you will be seen over the course of the event. If it is someone else’s achievement, then your role is to make sure they are the centre of attention and the evening; your behaviour will be all about them. This is a critical component of doing well in such situations. It will drive how you interact with others but also how you present yourself. Think of it as akin to a wedding, it is the Bride’s day and your role is a supporting role.

After reason, think about location. Is it a fine dining restaurant or a simple casual restaurant? What about if it is a party at your manager’s home? Location is one of the key indicators of the tone of what the evening is going to bring. It tells us much about the type of behaviour that will be expected and the level of formality to be observed during the evening. In a casual bistro, speeches will be less formal and attire is office casual clothes, whereas a ballroom will require a smart cocktail dress, of a certain length and with certain ‘coverage’. A more formal dining situation leads to different considerations as the evening progresses.

Now you can consider what might be the most appropriate type of dress. Remember that business attire for all events can vary based on the context of your work and where your gathering. You want to be remembered for your comments and grace, not what you wore or how you wore it. Why was Julia Gillard always a discussion about dress and Julia Bishop is about substance? The answer is simple, make sure how you’re dressed blends with the situation. Then you will be heard for you, and you will be able to shine without worrying about other distractions.

Making Small Talk That Is Not Small Talk At All!

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Often people think that small talk is about the weather, about how somebody is dressed or the event, when in actual fact, small talk is targeted talk about the subject at hand based on the situation or context you find yourself in.

Small talk is about building relationships and engaging in something that is of interest to the other party. The ‘game’ is to create a longer conversation that is memorable for all the right reasons.

Here is our first warning:

There used to be a clear rule: Never discuss politics, religion or sex but as our society has changed, these rules have relaxed. Yet this is still good advice. The chances are you have strong views on your politics, for example, and hence it is easy to alienate someone or make the other person feel uncomfortable.

Small talk is the art of building rapport and making others feel important. Therefore, while you might have opinions about a number of ‘hot’ topics try instead to focus these conversations where it is easier to not offend. Start with the purpose of the function itself, mutual acquaintances, other likely shared interests.

Holidays are great topics, as are books recently read. Try to ask open questions (those that require more than a yes/no answer) as these allow people to engage with the conversation beyond opinion alone.

So while it may be tempting to talk about the weather or even the food that you’re eating it can be really valuable to stop and think about what has brought the group together. For example if it is a fundraising dinner then conversations about use of those funds or the cause are good places to start. Also your connection to being there can be a great opener.

If it is a work function stay away from gossip, think instead of interesting things that you might have heard that are public comment such as what the company is planning to do or something that your team might have recently been working on. Use the opportunity to learn about others and promote who you are and what you are doing (just a little bit!)

When meeting people or introducing people, look to make connections between them. Remember introduce the most junior people first i.e “CEO, meet Ms New Employee”, not the other way around (check out our making awesome introductions information for more on this). Look to see what they might have in common so it gives both parties a place to ‘launch the conversation’.

Think about the lines a good conversationalist might use to start a conversation. Then, to get really good at small talk, practice, practice, practice – a lot! Find places to practice from the people you buy coffee from, to the people that you might see daily as you wait for the train, to the person you ride the elevator with.

It’s really easy to strike up a conversation when you actually think about it. In ‘40 seconds’ or less: “Hi, that looks like an interesting book …” You never know who you might meet and what you might learn.

Best Ways to Acknowledge Births, Deaths and Marriages of your Colleagues

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Remembering and then appreciating life’s milestones and changes is a fundamental sign of respect towards those we interact with throughout our business life.

I have faced the sad reality of the death of a valued client – too young and too soon for an accomplished businesswoman with so much still to contribute. This sad event prompted me to consider how best to acknowledge and express the range of emotions that accompany the many and varied transitions in the lives of those we do business with – from weddings to births, to significant milestones, retirement, and to the ultimate departure from this world.

Here are some tips to consider:

Do:

  1. Make the effort to personalise what you say, rather than rely on the words printed in the greeting card
  2. Hand-write the message
  3. Send birthday cards or anniversary cards so that they are received on or before the date
  4. Send sympathy cards or congratulations on the birth of a child two to three weeks after the event – in the immediate aftermath of the event, close friends and family have right of way. Your message or gift will arrive in the quiet aftermath and be all the more appreciated for it
  5. Give a gift with longevity – mark significant events and milestones with a gift that will be a continual reminder. For example, a boutique in a vase; a hamper with a picnic basket and picnic rug; an exotic spice set with a mortar and pest; a water carafe and glass; a beautiful coffee-table book.

Don’t:

  1. A word of warning – consider whether a bottle of wine is the appropriate gift. One never knows the personal experiences of individuals and alcohol. Notwithstanding the social issues, the thought that goes into selecting a non alcoholic gift is both inspiring and satisfying. Of course, if your client or colleague is a known aficionado of red wine … go forth and present the gift of wine.

John Buttling, Australian author of “Winning Hearts & Minds with Words”, offers the following ideas for words of condolence to write on sympathy cards, notes or emails.

Sorry.

We’re so sorry.

Our thoughts are with you.

With our deepest sympathy for your loss.

With our condolences on this sad occasion.

We were shocked and saddened to learn the news.

Take heart from the many happy times you shared together.

The pain you feel now will gradually dim, but never the many memories.

My business partner and I hand-write every one of our Christmas cards, with a personalised message. We start in October and try to do a handful of cards each week. Yes, it is laborious, yet it fundamentally embodies our values and attitude towards our clients. This may not be practical in all business situations – look for other ways to acknowledge the valued relationship with your customers, clients, staff, partners and suppliers. Writing personalised messages can make all the difference between a good reaction and a great reaction.

Hello, Hello. How to Introduce People in a Business Context

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I recently did some coaching with a person new to client management, on the topic of Business Etiquette.

One area covered in the coaching session was how to introduce people in a business context. Whether it is at the Christmas party, a pitch for new business or an industry networking event, there are some protocols that apply to introductions.

When making an introduction in a business context, one person is always introduced to another person by saying the name of the person to whom the other is being introduced. For example, “Simone, I would like you to meet our new copywriter, Kath Writer. Kath, I would like to introduce our Creative Director, Simone Says”. In this instance, the junior member of staff is introduced to the senior member of staff.

The norms for introducing people are:

  1. The younger person is introduced to the older person.
  2. A man is introduced to a woman.
  3. A younger couple is introduced to an older couple.
  4. A junior member of staff to a senior member of staff.
  5. For de facto couples or married couples with different surnames, introduce the woman first and use their full names. For example, “Bridget Jones and Mark Darcy”.

To introduce yourself when meeting new colleagues, clients and at networking events, extend your hand and say:

“Hello, I am first name surname. I am the title at company name”. For example, “Hello, I am Amanda MacLean. I’m the Founder of The Gravitas Project”.

In a business networking situation, I tend to introduce myself even if I have previously met the person. This helps to alleviate any discomfort on the other person’s behalf if they do not remember you. If you forget someone’s name that you have previously been introduced to, simply apologise briefly and wait for them to volunteer their name.

Remember to use a friendly, warm and relaxed tone of voice when making introductions, and to smile.

In the 2001 movie, Bridget Jones did a fine job of introducing guests at the “Kafka’s Motorbike” book launch party. Armed with the correct protocols, you are sure to glide through this year’s round of board meetings, pitches, dinners with clients and business-social events with grace.